Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I'm still in shock...

Awestruck and amazed, I am (cue Yoda's chuckle).

Do you remember me telling you about the executive chair that retails new for $1500?

Do you remember that we only spent 15 dollars on it? Actually, we spent $10 on the chair and $3 on some shoe polish.

Here is a picture of her...

I decided this chair was a her because of her graceful lines, her supple leather, her comforting touch. It even looks as if she is curtsying. She is wearing upholstery tack jewelry all along her front and up her sides. She is one classy lady chair.

The first time you get a taste of true quality craftsmanship, you wish you could ditch the cheap chairs in an instant. We were so tempted to keep this chair, but we resisted.

So, ya wanna know what we sold her for? I know you do.

$250. Two hundred and fifty big ones.

It felt so wrong (when I think of how much we spent), but oh, so right!

That money was supposed to go into our "Emergency Fund", but unfortunately, we had some emergencies come up! I guess I should be saying fortunately we had that money. And fortunately, I have a grateful heart now, after my initial stinky "tude".

~christa jean

Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Tower.

Thank you to all who voted on my poll.

I already knew in my heart that I would continue unveiling my story (if you're new here, click on "My Story" and start at the beginning) I was just majorly hemming and hawing and procrastinating. But I know that it is time.

It is time to step out from behind the facade of "good" and never retreat there again.

When I look back on the annals of time in what is called "Christa's Life", I believe the pinnacle of my pride came during my middle sister's wedding. My 18 month old daughter was in the wedding as the flower girl. I was about 6 months pregnant (that was fun trying to fit into a bridesmaid dress!) and the plan was that the delightful and sweet little flower girl of mine would walk up the aisle and then stand by me... for the whole service. People said it couldn't be done, but remember that I told you she was well-behaved? Very well-behaved. We had practiced coming to mommy, staying by mommy, and holding mommy's hand from the time she could hobble on her two chubby legs. This I highly recommend! But only when it's coupled with hugs and smiles and patience and grace, not scowls and displeasure and harshness as they are learning to comply.

Delightful she was! During the ceremony she held my hand, looked around, smiled at people and was only slightly wiggly as she picked the flowers off of her garland. At one point I decided to pick her up because she had begun flinging her flowers around, I'm sure people just giggled. Was I one proud Momma! I was thrilled that my wonderful Mommy skills were being shown off before vast numbers of onlookers.

I remember the sense of pride I felt in my accomplishment when I heard someone comment that Gracie should be the poster child for our church.

And then...

My dear, delightful toddler began doing things that I did not like. She began disobeying in ways that I hadn't encountered before, seemingly ignoring my instruction, not in defiant ways with tantrums, but in almost calculated ways as if she didn't care anymore about pleasing me with obedience. At least, that is how it felt to me. I was losing my grasp, my hold on her was slipping and I was beginning to feel that control had shifted in ways I did not like.

And then, just like that Tower of old, my pride came crashing down and so did I.

I began to get increasingly more angry. My anger began to turn to rage.

Now, I'm sure every mother could say that at one time or another they have gotten quite irritated at a child and squeezed that little arm a bit tighter than they wanted to. The sorrow and guilt from a small moment of lapse in self-control is shared by many mothers. This is not that.

I will not go into too much detail, but I will share one memory.
First, let me tell you adamantly that I was not mentally disturbed in such a way that I would have harmed my child. But I was finding out that there were some things broken inside me.

I have one vivid memory from those early moments of my journey to the dark pit that is hard to recount but I will. I had given my daughter an instruction that she was extra slow to cooperate with and so in my anger over this, I emphasized my command to "GO!" with a push from my foot on her behind. I can still see it in my head. Her little body stumbling and falling into my closet. The darkness that was in me was enveloping her, I felt. It still makes me sick to think about it, but remember that I'm telling y'all this because I am not that person anymore.

Deep breath.
I can't wait to get to the good parts!
Okay, back to it.

My angry cycles were awful. I would get angry, lash out, then feel so distraught and depressed and angry at myself for being angry and then I would get angry again. The darkness growing in my mind was, well, mind boggling. I could not see through the shame and confusion. Add to that, I was highly involved in Mommy groups where I would share advice and "wisdom" with other moms who may have thought I was a fabulous mother. Oh, the agony of living a double life and feeling trapped in it.

And that is how "being good" betrayed me. I had believed in "being good", believed that it would keep me safe, but I soon found out that it was merely a facade and Pride was behind it. It was a mask. That mask was crumbling and yet, I struggled to hold on to the pieces, because I didn't want anyone to see.

Whew! I just have to say that after typing all of the above last night, I had to desist and go rest my head. When my head hit the pillow, it was as if all the old demons decided to try to torment me again... accusation, condemnation, shame... bombarding my thoughts. "You ARE still that person." my thoughts shouted at me. I literally had to pray out loud numerous times before I could sleep in peace.
If you don't understand what I'm talking about, have never given much credence to a "spirit world", then you will be in for a ride. And, no, I'm not some medium or spiritist, I am just aware. Wary, is more like it!
I'm not afraid to tell anyone anymore.

"A light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not mastered it."

Like I said, I can't wait to get to the good parts.
~christa jean
P.S. If this post changes your opinion of me, well... um... GOOD!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Let's Jam! Domesticality Part 2

Well, the jam making photos are not cooperating, but here's the scoop (mmm, fresh jam on a scoop of ice cream) and I'll update with photos later!

We met the berry picking troop at the Heikes farm with our grubby clothes on.
I'll have you know that I've never ever picked berries before.
I know, so deprived.

So, I'm picturing myself with my baby strapped on, squatting in the row filling my container with plump berries like those talented, hard-working mothers you see in other countries. When I got to the rows and started to bend down, I almost fell on my face! I suppose if I were to try to carry a pitcher full of water on my head, I would also fall over, or the pitcher would. I trekked back to the car and put the tiny man in the stroller.

I thought berry picking was surprisingly easy, but then I only picked for 45 minutes. The farm lady was nice, there was a portalet and place for washing hands, and they had free containers to use. And the berries were cheap at only one dollar a pound! I think I literally picked on one side of a row, only moving about 3 feet and got myself 3 pounds of strawberries. Boy, were they good. We were allowed to eat as many as we wanted... the 3 year old carried around a box, putting a berry in and promptly taking it out to eat it.

We headed back to TLC's house to make our tasty spread.
We cheated again and made "No Cook" jam where you just mash the berries, add some sugar and pectin and let it set up for 30 minutes. Easy Peasy! The recipe is on the back of the packet of pectin. We left out some of the sugar because we remembered from last year that it was waaaaaaay too sweet.

For those of us who have never ever actually canned one thing in their life (sad), this is a fabulous way to fake it!

The next day, we ate our jam all.day.long. Seriously.
We had it on toast in the morning. We had it in pbj&banana wraps for lunch. We had it on our yogurt for snack. Wow, so yummy! I wanted to pour it into my mouth, it was so good. We've already gone through one jar.

Then we put it on handmade ice cream. Don't I sound so domestic and wonderful? Hahahaha, NOT! This was another cheater recipe. Did you know that you can make ice cream in a plastic baggy with 3 ingredients, some ice and some rock salt? And if you don't have rock salt, like I didn't, you can make that too!

We've sure been having fun... but with these fun memories comes a small sadness.
I can't help thinking that our fun moments here in this town are nearing their end. "This may be the last time we ______. " flits in and out of my thoughts throughout my day. Our house has finally sold to a solid buyer and we only have about a month before we head north. I have more to say on that subject... soon.


This pic doesn't match the post really, but it matched my wistful mood.

On that happy note, go make some jam!

~christa jean



Friday, June 19, 2009

Domestic Edjumacation

We've been quite busy! Our days have been full of domestic adventures, luckily with few foibles.

My gal pal KK pressured me into making yogurt with her. No, not really, she suggested it and I said, "Sure, if you come over and do the whole thing while I stand by and pretend I'm helping and then post about it on my blog so it seems like I'm some Domestic Diva. And I'll feed you lunch." Not really again, but that's kind of what happened. She is by far the Domestic Diva. Just walk into her pantry!

Ready to ROCK this thang called homemade yogurt!



We got the idea and recipe from a super neat lady named "Frugal Girl". That is her super power, no doubt about it!

The following is our take on yogurt making...

Must wear the proper yogurt-making attire.



I had jars, KK had a bowl with a lid. You choose!



You are supposed to boil the jars and lids for 10 min... of course, my pot lid didn't fit over the jars so we made a lid of foil. Cool beans!



Isn't she lovely as she pours the milk so white and frothy?



Here is the pan of milk cooling in the sink (for complete instructions see Frugal Girl's recipe) and let me just say that KK was the Guardian of the Thermometer, only she had this thermometer that, by the end of the day, I was most desirous of. Do you think I should ask for a thermometer for my birthday?



This is the yogurt we chose to add in. Mmmm, creamy.



Fill 'em up...



...and throw them in a cooler partially filled with hot water for at least 3 hours.




Dagnabit! I wished I had taken a picture of the finished product! I added blueberries to it and finished the bowl in less than a minute. I'm so excited to make more of this, especially with my baby boy coming into the food eating stage. I will probably make it for him using only organic milk though, maybe even farm fresh! Like I said, check out the original recipe for more complete instructions. It really was do-able!

The best part of the day?
~ friends ~


~ christa jean
P.S. Hopefully tomorrow I can post the pics from what we made today with more friends! It is reminiscent of this!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Your jaw will drop...

...when I tell you that we found this Ethan Allen armchair at the Goodwill Outlet for 15 bucks.

It had a couple of very slight stains on it that we cleaned out, and then...
We sold it on craigslist for $85!!!

Then we found this little vintage beauty and spent a whole 5 dollars on it.


All it needed was a wipe down and some Sharpie marker run over some scratches, and then...
We sold it for 50 smackers!!!

Today, we scored a total of 60 buckaroos for this chair...


That we only spent 5 dollars and a baby wipe on!!!

Give a whoop and a holler with me!!! "Oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah, woop woop!"
It is such a thrill when we turn someone's junk into someone else's treasure and we profit from it! These are just a few examples of things we've turned around. It's a really fun hobby, I tell ya!

We are stashing all this extra away in our emergency fund, following the wisdom of Dave Ramsey, who suggests that everyone have $1,000 cash in a safe place for when a need arises.

I hope this inspires you to keep your eyes peeled for a great deal!

~christa jean

P.S. We spent $15 on a gorgeous leather executive chair that retails for $1500 brand new! Will let you know what we get for it!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Cheap and Chunky and... aaaaaack! I can't think of a third adjective that begins with Ch!

I was thinking the other day about how much I love a good guacamole.
Not the store bought guacamole that you squeeze out of a plastic baggie.
Not the powdered seasonings that you mix into chopped up avocado.
No sirree. I like me some fresh, hand chopped, hand mashed, chunky guacamole with a big bowl of chips.

I like to make it myself and pretend that I'm a darn good cook.
HA! That's funny.
I'll let you in on a little secret of mine that's helping me save some pennies (well, hopefully more than just a few pennies)...

Trader Joe's Guacamole Kit..... $2.99

I like that price! And it's all inclusive.

~ 2 avocados
~ 2-3 garlic cloves
~ 2-3 shallots
~ 1 tomato
~ 1 pepper
~ 1 lime

If I were to try to buy all of those items seperately to make up a batch, it would cost me more than $2.99. I don't know how much more, but, I just know, ya know? Okay, I guess I'll make sure I'm telling the truth when next I'm at the market.

The only thing I would add would be a smidge of cilantro. Oh, and I never use the whole pepper ~ muey caliente'!

Just a "fluff" post.
I feel a deep sense of pride knowing this post has touched you deeply. Deep.


Wholly Guacamole's site features ideas like this!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Expose`

Why did I do this to myself?

Y'all, I have been avoiding this blog for the last week as if it's the Black Plague.

I have even started dreading sitting down at the computer.

I was getting all geared up (and even kinda excited in a weird sorta way) to dive into some personal stuff, dig up some dirt, expose some weaknesses... so, why this squeamishness all of a sudden?
Am I still slighty ashamed? Could be.
Am I slightly skeered? It's possible.

And yet, there is still this urge in me to blog about it because, well, I have found freedom from those nasty skeletons that kept trying to live in my closet.


I am pondering what my next step should be.

If you would do me a favor and vote on my poll (see that HUGE thing!) about this issue, I would appreciate it.

I'm not saying that my mind could be swayed by the majority's rule, but I want to know it anyway.

Did I tell you that I miss my hair? I know, totally random.
See how long and lustrous it was?



I may or may not have been picking my nose. Thanks a lot hubby!!!

Now my hair is shorter by 4 inches and curly and sassy but still shorter and well, I can't stop thinking that I have "Mom Hair" now. Oh well, such is life.

~christa jean