God alone

I read this the other night and it has not left me brain since!

"Many of us have never been brought to the place where we have needed God alone. The only way we sometimes come to feel the presence of God is when God himself pulls the rug out from under us and we begin to fall. Then we cry to Him, and possibly for the first time we feel Him."
~ R.T. Kendall, God Meant it for Good

I'll be chewing on that for a while!

We are heading out of town tonight and so I won't be posting for a bit. As if you really would be concerned! Ha Ha!
My sitemeter says I have an average of 19 lookers a day, but I'm sure that's just 8 of you checking twice a day or something! And I'm happy with that! I really don't want a load of readers... with more readers come unpleasant commenters as well, or so I've heard. Thanks to those of you who keep coming back to read my random ramblings.

Happy summer to ya!
~ christa jean

It's the end of the world as we know it...

I am not a Doomsday girl, nor do I get caught up in things like the Left Behind series and other apocalyptic drama. I am not an Eschatologist, one who studies the ultimate or last things. I can not say whether we are living in the last days, particularly because every generation before us has thought the same: these must be the last days! I can say that the Bible does seem to be very clear that no one will know the day or hour, it will come like a thief in the night.

That said...

I would have to agree with Beth Moore, when she says in her book "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things", that we are living in a time of escalating evil.
Just comparing the following verse to our world today proves our peril.

"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come:

For men will be lovers of themselves,

lovers of money,

boasters,

proud,

blasphemers,

disobedient to parents,

unthankful,

unholy,

unloving,

unforgiving,

slanderers,

without self-control,

brutal,

despisers of good,

traitors,

headstrong,

haughty,

lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,

having a form of godliness but denying its power."

~ 2 Timothy 3:1-5 ~

I look at that list and my heart breaks, for the evidence of those things are all around me.

Lovers of self ~ divorce, moral disregard

Disobedient to parents ~ today's children who will be tomorrow's adults

Unforgiving ~ division in the church, divorce

Without self-control ~ rampant addiction

Lover's of pleasure ~ this generation

Paul goes on in verse 6 to say, "And from such people turn away!"

Okay Paul, but what if I look at that list and my heart breaks, for the evidence of those things are also in me?

What if I am a lover of self, lover of money, proud, unthankful, unloving, unforgiving, without self-control among other things?

What if I have a form of godliness but deny it power?

Oh, how that last one scares me!

I'm not sure who I am supposed to stay away from, because as I have said before, the peril of darkness is walking around with me in my own shoes. But for Christ, I would be overtaken by it, totally bound. So, I can not and will not point at that darkness in another.

We just recently learned of a godly couple whose marriage has disinigrated. No one saw it coming. But then again, one hardly does anymore. It's subtle like that.

That sneaking self and enemy of our soul in cahoots together to bring us to ruin.

The very first verse Mrs. Moore brought to light in her book was 2 Corinthians 11:3 ~

"I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ."

She points out that Paul is describing those who are seriously dedicated to Christ, not carnal believers, marginal Christians, but those who are wholeheartedly following. But how can this be? I thought that my devotion was a safeguard! Paul says earlier in 1 Cor. 10:12 "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall!"

Then who is immune to ruin? Maybe not even I and my lovely life. Not if I get proud. Not if I don't fear God first. Not if I am oblivious to the enemy within and without. Not if I give up my watchfulness.

A certain story in Beth Moore's book was an eye opener... A woman owned property on which she raised beautiful miniature ponies. They were her love. Her property backed up to an exotic wild-life reserve. She never knew she had a weak spot in her fence until the day she looked out the window to see a lion tearing up her favorite pony. True story.

And so true for us. There is a lion prowling, looking for our weak spots.

"Be sober, be vigilant;

because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion,

seeking whom he may devour.

Resist him, steadfast in the faith,

knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world."
~ 1 Peter 5:8-9 ~

Beth Moore goes on in her book to say that one of the main safeguards against falling (after guarding our fence!) is for us to live see-through lives. To find those who can keep us accountable to the standard of the Word. Oh, the joy when you find someone who knows your weaknesses and yet extends grace to you in spite of them. We really do need each other ~ husband and wife, followers of Christ, believers together ~ why do we fight each other?!

Oh how my heart aches for this couple and for others like them. It only makes me fall to my knees and ask my Saviour to make good of all the messes we make. To save us from ourselves. Only Jesus can. Only Jesus has.

Silly Vanity!

I can finally admit it now. I am coming out of denial...

I have an identity crisis. It begins deep down and trickles out all the way to the ends of my hair.

Literally.

I like to pretend that I am a tall and tan, blue-eyed brunette.

When really, I am average height, white and freckled, with gray eyes and grayish-brown hair.

In my attempts to cover up the unsightly gray, I flounder from one box of color to the next. I think I chose a more natural color this time, thankfully, because that last color was WAY too coppery. And fake looking.

And now, for the last 5 months, my contacts have decided to go AWOL on me! Every time I wear them, my eyes start bugging out and turn all red and itchy. So, instead of having blue eyes, I have red eyes. Maybe I'm allergic to my contacts. Who knows! All I know is that I'm vain and don't like wearing my glasses.

Oh vanity! What pride!

Is this the bane of all womanhood? To wish you were something different?

Probably.

We are not meant to live this way.

"The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether" (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity).

~christa cheston

Sappy Had.

That was my silly attempt at combining my feelings today.

I am sad.

I am happy.

Sad because in just a few weeks, I would have been due with that little bird who flew away.

I would have been experiencing some pre-labor I'm sure and getting my bags packed.

But that was not meant to be.

Now that your thoroughly saddened with me, let's take a turn toward life.

I am happy because today I am 16 weeks along with the next little blessing! I was slightly fearful between week 9 and week 15. But that has past, only trust remains.

I have heard this little one's heart beating 2 times now, steady and strong. At the first hearing of that miracle sound, my midwife said "That is the best heartbeat I've heard in a long time!" I knew there was double meaning to those words. She walked through the hard times with me.

My baby looks like this today:

Miracle of life. So beautiful. Inside me. Wonderment.

My belly is getting rotund and my barely there chest is finally perking up!

I am thankful to the Author of all life today.

~ christa jean

An addendum

Push *play* if you'd like to hear my song. My life song.

Two posts ago, I wrote that I was jealous, that I was left out, etc.... I deleted that from the post because it seemed to be sending a mixed message... I would just like to clarify that, while I am not always mature, I would not hopefully be so immature to be sending hidden messages in a post to someone that I was hurt by. My jealousy and left-outedness had nothing to do with friends or family... but something I feel I am good at and was overlooked for.

God is forever smoothing out my rough edges and being "overlooked" is a great thing ;-D... in the long run. It makes one ponder who God has really made them to be and that one's worth is not in doing, even doing something they may be gifted in.

It will take the whole of this life to smooth out my rough edges, I hope to always be submissive to His loving hand.

"But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God?

Will the thing formed say to him who formed it,

“Why have you made me like this?”

~Romans 9:20~

~christa jean

Get your dance on.

This made me giggle today and I needed to giggle!

Not very pretty

An exerpt from my journal... slightly disjointed, be warned.

"Who can understand his errors?

Cleanse me from secret faults.

Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins;

Let them not have dominion over me.

Then I shall be blameless,

And I shall be innocent of great transgression.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

Be acceptable in Your sight,

O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer."

~Psalm 19:12-14~

What have I been meditating on?

Who am I supposed to be?

Could I just slip into a crack and disappear?

Oh, fickle heart of mine!

You look too much to thyself!

Look up!

Fix your gaze on the One

Who makes all things good...

~~~~even you.

"You see the real me

hiding in my skin

broken from within.

Unveil me, completely

I'm loosening my grasp

There's no need to mask

my frailty

Because You see the real me...

Wonderful, beautiful

is what You see

when You look at me..."

~Natalie Grant~

I must will myself to believe this

I am wonderful to Him

I am beautiful to Him

Dear God! Please remove the dark clouds that so oft seem to surround.

~~~~~~~~~

Do bad things really come in 3's?

Someone said that and I'm kinda freakin'... know I shouldn't.

We've already experienced 2 very difficult things this year.

Now it could be that we are hurtling fast and steady towards more difficulty.

Dear God! Hear our petitions!

Must we face another test?

Must you chasten us more?

Maybe God removes a "gift" if it is standing in the way... He has a greater plan that I can not see. His chastening is preparation.

"May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble...

May He grant you according to your heart’s desire,

And fulfill all your purpose.

We will rejoice in your salvation,

And in the name of our God we will set up our banners!

May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.

Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed;

He will answer him from His holy heaven

With the saving strength of His right hand.

Save, Lord!

May the King answer us when we call."

~Psalm 20:1,4-6,9~

~christa jean

On this day...

Four years ago, our hearts exploded in love for our littlest sweet petite, whose name means "maker or bringer of peace" and "Jehovah has favored".

Who would I be, without this sweet little person in my life?

She is such a dear child, winning the hearts of many with her affection, charm, and squeaky voice.

She loves to love.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Petite!

~christa jean

Am loving this quote...

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”
~Audrey Hepburn~

What is yours?

I've been kinda confused lately...
I took a quiz on Facebook to determine my "Love Language" and got a result that was not what I thought it would be.

An example of one of the questions was:
"When you have a crush on someone, you...

• Help them with some chores
• Try to be near them
• Try to be around them all the time
• Figure out what they want for their birthday
• Tell them

I interpreted "crush" as when I love, appreciate, or have affection for someone and chose option 4 ~ Figure out what they want for their birthday.

That gives me the greatest thrill, to give a treasure that was desired. I have this weird ability to hear what a person wants and hide that information away to be used at the opportune time!

The quiz determined that my "Love Language" was "Receiving Gifts"

Now not having read the actual book on the "Five Love Languages", I'm slightly confused... I like getting gifts, but am not sure that that is the way I feel the most loved... but that is the most obvious way I show it... hmmm

Anyway, I was wondering if you know what your "language of love" is? Do share!

Here is the list:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

What is Yours?!

~christa jean

The Urge, Part 2

Here is the lamp that started all the trouble. It doesn't look like a trouble maker, standing there so lovely like.

The candle usually looks yellow, but not in this picture. And the candle stand? I just glued a dollar store candlestick onto the bottom of a cute little black and white plate and ta da! Instant and cheap decor! Anyone can do that! There is something peeking out from behind the lamp... I was trying to hide it... it's the old dinosaur of an alarm clock that dear hubby's had since he was 12 or something. And it's U.G.L.Y.!

Ahhhh, my bed has re-surfaced! Doesn't it look fresh and clean now? Not sure how long it will stay white with little sticky fingers around, but hey, I can always find another comforter hiding in a closet, right?!

Here is the close-up on the painted pillow. I got the urge to do it and do it I did, however foolishly at midnight the night before my sister's bridal shower. I found this plain pillow at Wal Mart for 5 bucks. I bought yellow fabric paint (not thinking it would turn out so neon!). I had a tropical leaf sitting around and so I just traced it onto the pillow. Not a lot of genius really, just paint craziness, I guess.

Because it was midnight, I started to trace the leaf with a pen... duh, you can't erase pen! I quicky switched to pencil, but found later that pencil doesn't erase well off fabric either. Oh well. When I get around to it I'll paint a second coat on it and try to cover it up.

And finally, the new dresser! It is so very plain looking, but remember I said I had big plans for giving it some flair?! Oh yeah! Not sure when I'll get to it, but you'll be the first to know!

The knobs are not on it yet, partly because I think they're ugly, but they will go on soon so I can actually wear my clothes. Speaking of clothes, when before my clothes were jammed into my 5 drawer upright dresser and I was constantly getting rid of them, thinking I had too many... now, I see that I obviously don't have enough!

I have 10 drawers, y'all! And I need to fill them! ;-D

If you come over to see my bedroom in person, please just look the other way when you walk by my closet!

~christa jean

The Urge

Sometimes I get that decorating bug. The itch to change everything!

Unfortunately, that does not fit in the budget.

So, I scratch that itch by re-arranging, adding new accessories, paint, or new furniture!

When that new furniture happens to be free, I'm giddy!

To set the stage, I must explain that when we moved in just over 2 years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted in our Master bedroom. Serene robin's egg blue on the walls and brown accents. We gave it a slightly exotic flare with a fake palm tree (it actually looks kinda real, not cheesy) and a big wicker ceiling fan that looks like it came from the West Indies. Two years is a good long time to stick with a room decor, right?! I know I won't change my decor as much as I change my hair color.

Here's a peek at the only corner in my room that is clean right now!

Wellllllll... as much as I have liked that look, I'm ready for change!

The first bit of change started when we found two lamps on clearance for $15 a piece, including the shade, at Target (properly pronounced "tar-jay", so frenchy ;). These lamps are lovely black and white floral, yet not so exotic looking.

Mm-hmm, I feel a-change a-coming! The next thing to do was to move out my heavy blue and brown comforter and switch it with a white down comforter that was hiding in a closet. That may seem too heavy for summer, but it's not really that full, and it's white which brightens up my room immensely! Next, I shopped in my house to find a couple black and white throw pillows. Good, yes, slowly tying in the black and white lamps!

I started to feel like black and white and blue (with mostly brown furniture still) was not punchy enough, classy yes, but I do like a fashion trend here and there! I kept envisioning hints of yellow in the room... then I saw this pillow... see the big green leaf pillow (click on the photo of the white couch to see it). I wasn't about to pay almost $40 for that pillow cover that only fits a "specially sized" insert. So, I got the crazy idea that I could make one on my own. In yellow, with paint. Yep, I'm crazy! I'll show you a picture of that tomorrow.

Back to my bedroom. We found a free dresser on Craig's List and picked it up on Saturday. It is a really light oak color and kind of contempory... not my fave style, but was used minimally and is in great shape. And I have some more crazy ideas for making it my own. I'll show you the before picture tomorrow as well! As for now, must get back up there to finish organizing all this... at least it's all folded and ready to put into my new dresser!

my bedroom has seen better days

The beloved have come home

What an emotional night last night, when the beloved sisters came home.

They are beautiful to behold.

We praise You, Father! You make all things good.

~christa jean

Quote of the year!

I read this today and thought to myself, "This is one quote I won't be forgetting!"

"Pray hardest when it is hardest to pray."

CHARLES H. BRENT

Need I say more?!

~christa jean