Saturday, May 31, 2008

To Him do I turn my gaze

"The face of Jesus:

marred more than any man--
spit upon,
slapped,
thorn-pierced,
bloodied,
sweating,
the beard plucked,
twisted in pain--

For my salvation.

A glorious face, now.

Let its light shine on me, O Light of Life.

Let Your radiance fall on me, Sun and Savior,

Lighten my darkness.

Then grant me this by Your grace:

That I, in turn, may give

"The light of the knowledge of the glory of God" (2 Cor 4:6 AV)

As I see it in the face of Jesus Christ."

~ Elisabeth Elliot~


Friday, May 30, 2008

Who is my Master?

Fear. That black word.

Fear, that which causes all sorts of evil. Worry, anger, depression to name a few.

I used to have such a debilitating fear when the dark of night would come, a fear of evil lurking inside and out. I would see things, hear things, dream things. I would wake my husband to go with me to the bathroom in the middle of the night because of this fear. I can gladly say that those days are past. I have not dealt with the terror at night for a few years now. It took a lot of prayer to get me to that point, a lot of calling on Jesus' Mighty Name.

So what is this new fear? Or has it been hiding in me all along?

The fear of rejection
The fear of being alone
The fear of failing
The fear of not having enough
The fear of loss

I lay in my bed during the quiet hours of the morning pondering this ugly, insidious beast called fear. By coincidence (or not!), I read these words today:

"All fear is rooted in the core belief that God’s Word won’t work... Fear leaves me because I rely on something that can’t fail—His promises." ~ Pastor Gregory Dickow

Is that what causes fear? Unbelief? I must ponder this some more.

Whilst I ponder, I beg you to pray for me. I know you all have your own things to pray for and think about... but even one small prayer will do.

Please pray that fear would not be my Master.
Especially as I near the dreaded week, week 9, the week when my last baby died.
Yes, I will be 9 weeks pregnant on Monday. I didn't want to tell anyone for fear that I would have to then tell of another loss. This fear has stolen my joy.

I do not wish to be mastered by fear, trepidation, apprehension... but I cannot do this alone. Will you stand with me in my weakness?

"Perfect Love casts out fear... " ~ 1 John 4:18

Thank you all.

~ christa jean

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

TADA!

Surprise endings are always best!

Darcy TOTALLY Rocks over at Graphically Designing! We've been collaborating and came up with this lovely new look. I have a bit of re-arranging and filling in to do on the sidebars still, but isn't it Fantabulous?!!!

I wanted to have my shop page over at Etsy linked when this went live, but I am having technical difficulties with that. Hopefully by end of week you'll see a cute little button that you can push that whisks you away to viewing pretty baubles!!!

It feels like my life is finally coming together... ha ha, not really. But it does feel nice to have my own pretty blog and soon my own jewelry page.

Do you approve?

~ christa jean

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Take time to breathe...

We had a lovely weekend up in Washington State visiting Carter's family! They have a very large house with a large amount of property for exploring, riding bikes, sitting by the fire, and much more. And there's always lots of good food that I didn't have to plan and shop for! ;-D

It was a much needed break, a chance to clear my head and just breathe. I love that we always get lots of prayer while we are there too! Carter's parents are great that way.

this will be so cute in black & white

the cousins!

i love her freckles

yes, her signature pose again

shweet

anticipating S'mores!

Oh yeah, baby!
(he's so hot!)

~ christa jean







Friday, May 23, 2008

I need some inspiration...

I know when I get asked this question everyday, "Mom, what are we doing today?" that someone is bored and needs some more consistency.

This was one of those days, where that question was posed to me more than once and my answers were inspiring, like "Just stuff and things, okay" (I'm sure I had a hint of irritation in my voice). I decided the best cure for not knowing what to do is to get outside!

Here we are, the Stroller Brigade!

It was slightly chilly out, but I didn't care. We went up and down the street, each pushing our own stroller (mine was considerably heavier than theirs!) and I'm sure my daughters learned an important lesson in strollerizing the neighborhood!

Stroller Etiquette:

  1. Don't let your baby fall out!
  2. Don't roll over the neighbor's flowers!
  3. Don't run over the neighbor's dog!
  4. Don't talk incessantly to the neighbor we've never talked to before about random facts he probably doesn't care to know!
Here's me, after pushing Joy up the hill

I look rather gaunt and un-fashionable with no make-up on. I was wearing a long skirt, a cute one, but still, I'm sure some of the neighbors were thinking "There goes that crazy homeschooling family".

I usually think it is so dorky when people take their own picture. You can always tell when they have because the picture is too close and at a weird angle or you can see their arm... this will be the first and last picture you see of me taking my own picture. Just wanted to show you how tired and uninspired I looked.

I get into such a rut with my homeschooling sometimes. It's then that I wonder what can I do differently? Maybe I just need to buy some curriculum. Or maybe I need to schedule my days better. Yes, on that last one. But I do like not having to search out and buy a potentially expensive curriculum. I truly loved the "Joyful Home Schooler" and ate up every word. She suggests just learning to love life in many different ways, using the library as the main resource. I am not totally against buying a curriculum, I just haven't found one I love yet! Maybe by this next fall I will have decided... (I keep saying that!)

I forget what's important sometimes and then I read an inspiring post like the one over at superb Julep's and bonk myself on the head! DOH! We should be learning about God! I desire wholeheartedly for my daughters to hunger and thirst after Him.

We have done studies on the Fruits of the Spirit and the Armor of God and I loved them.
So, maybe that should become my curriculum again. Studying the great ladies of the Bible, the Love chapter, etc.

Jesus is the BEST inspiration!

And J.C. I wanna read that book after you!

~ christa jean

P.S.!!! I'm soooooooooooooo excited for next week's surprise... you'll see!!!






Random Weirdness

Every once in a while I have these questions... they are questions of great import, quintessential to my existence. Here is one I've been pondering of late:

Why does it seem that I have a back-up or reserve bladder? I use the restroom and then 30min. to an hour later feel the urge once again! Why?

Har Har! I'm sure the answer is that I've had 3 babies and my body is just weird now.

What irks you about your body after having birthed children? I'm curious.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Clarity


A life of prayerlessness is a life riddled with anxiety.

Cool! That almost sounds quotable!

Don't know when, nor how, but somewhere along the path of my life, I began to be an anxious person. I hope I don't have to spend the rest of my life trying to undo that, but I am thankful that I can see it clearly now.

The clarity comes as I make up my mind to pray more. Sometimes my prayer is a mumbled "Jesus, help me"... no matter, I know he hears even my mumbles. In fact, He knows what it is I am going to say before I even say it! Even so, I will still speak it aloud, because the words stop me, calm me, go deep into my heart.

I am finding that I am more keenly aware of my anxious thoughts as I determine to become a praying person. And the prayer saves me from them, or God saves me from them during my obedience to pray.

It's starting to finally click.

He really listens, no doubt about that!

~christa jean

Monday, May 19, 2008

These are a few of my favorite words...

"Mommy, Pee Pee!"

Well, at least she's in the tub.

Hey, WAIT! I'm in the tub too.

EWWWW!

Oh well.

Maybe not two of my favorite words.

I reeeeallly liked these words though:

"A life of prayer is a life of power... Grow strong in prayer by praying."
~ Flavia Gaines Leitch ~
I have been determining lately to pray constantly, and boy, is it ever hard to be constant! But, of the little that I have done, I am already feeling a mindset change and I like it. It feels like trust.
Which makes me wonder if I've ever truly known how to trust. I really like it. It brings peace and contentment and joy.
Must do more of it!
"16. Rejoice always,
17. pray without ceasing,
18. in everything give thanks;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
~ 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 ~
If I just did those three things daily, I bet I would be a wonderfully happy person!
~christa jean

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Joy Sprinkles All Around!

Today my baby boo boo is not so baby anymore...
Today she embarks upon the adventure of 2 years old!


She has her own way of doing things, like galloping when she wants to get somewhere. She has a fetish about balls and belly buttons and will ask any stranger if she can look at their "button?" She is NOT shy at all and will reach for any person to hold her, even sitting in a stranger lady's lap at the library. She almost always wakes up happy and singing. She is loud, but it's usually a boisterous laugh, not a scream. She loves to wear dresses and high heels and fake jewelry. She loves to snuggle down with a crocheted blanket and read stories. She loves to love.

She is loved.
sweet sisters

cinnamon stick eyebrows

dimple cheeks

mommy snuggles

happy 1st birthday!

little pumpkin
all cheese all the time

beautiful baby

cupcake success!

Happy Birthday to my Joy

Monday, May 12, 2008

Forgetfulness of Self

I hate to admit it, but I was kind of in a funk this Mother's Day.

Not because I didn't get the most special treatment (I did!) but because my thoughts drifted many times to my-self... the dissatisfaction I hold with myself, the longing to get out of this selfish half-life, the ways I see myself wasting my daughters days away.

Sometimes, it is really hard to snap out of a funky funk.

But, this quote came in yesterday's devotional and I tried to take it to heart:

"TO give heart and mind to God, so that they are ours no longer--to do good without being conscious of it, to pray ceaselessly and without effort as we breathe--to love without stopping to reflect upon our feelings--such is the perfect forgetfulness of self, which casts us upon God, as a babe rests upon its mother's breast."
~JEAN NICOLAS GROU ~

French men say it best, I guess ;-D

I must be reminded daily that it is about resting, abiding...
"Christ in me, the hope of glory."
NOT, "Me (with Jesus helping here and there) the hope of glory."

And stunningly, we had a nice day today. I tried to time all of our morning tasks to 15 minutes each. If we finished a task before the timer went off, bonus play time! Then we sat on the floor and made silly paper bag puppets.

First on my TO DO list for tomorrow?
  1. Abide

~christa jean

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Christa Hammer-Hand!

I tried my hand at hammering metal a couple of weeks ago and this is what I created!

I had to form the copper wire into the design first and then lay it on my pounding thingy (can't remember the technical term) and hammer away!
It was very fun, until I hammered one of my fingers... OUCH!!!
I began to fancy that I was getting good at this until I tried to design a bird and it ended up looking like...
well, not a bird.
Maybe I'll show you that one later ;-D

You like?!

~ christa jean

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Lesson Learned

Do you remember the "Choose Your Own Adventure" stories? Well, who doesn't!

There was a time when I was really into them. Maybe it was the draw of being able to go back and redo your "life" when at the end you died or something tragic happened. I got really good at retracing my steps and manipulating my choices so as to get to that pleasing finish.

Hmmm, I wish life were that way.

Last week, I was faced with a choice. Not a life-altering choice really, but one that altered the moment. Which, coincidentally, life is just made up of many such moments!

I had been straightening up my bedroom and the girls had been playing dollies. They all came bounding into my room and jumped on my freshly made bed. "Hey! I just made that!" Then Grace asked if they could look in my jewelry box and try stuff on.

Now, in my head, I'm picturing jewelry being flung about and more messes to clean up. So, my first answer was "No, it's time to go start another load of laundry." Grace, master negotiator, said "But you never wear any of it." Hmmm... she's right. For one who touches, takes apart, and looks at jewelry daily, I sure don't wear it! That's when it hit me, why not? Really, what is so important to keep me from allowing it? Certainly not laundry!

My laziness hit me square in the eye. I just cringed at myself and decided to change my answer!

"Okay, let's look at my jewelry!" I literally had not opened that jewelry box for months. And as we lay on my bed looking through it all, my eye landed on one little ring. Through my mind's eye flashed the memories associated with that ring. How Carter had told me to look in the little gift shop at the Beach for something I'd like for my Birthday. I saw that ring, tried it on, looked at the price, put it back. But I couldn't stop thinking about it and I wanted it, Oh, how I wanted it! He ended up buying it for me, even though it was beyond what our budget would allow.

That must have been at least six years ago and now I look at that ring and think it's nothing special. Yeah, it's special that it came from my husband, but I never wear it and this time when I looked at it all I could remember was how greedy and inconsiderate I was.

Lesson Learned. It's all just stuff. Stuff that will get tossed out eventually. I must invest in those things that last, like truly loving my husband and a moment shared with my daughters.


~ christa jean

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

More About Fasting

My dear hubster and I embarked upon our week of fasting in order to get some breakthrough in some areas of our lives, one of them being finances. Now, I know for certain that my thoughts are not always aligned with God's (duh!) for my idea of breakthrough was a large check coming in the mail or something. God's idea was a fortifying of our trust in Him, an encouragement to keep persevering, and a peace that defies understanding.

I wanted God to Provide. He wanted me to Abide.

For He already has Provided, what I needed to do was Abide in Him first. He is not suprised by our current circumstances and He has provided for this very moment by His grace.

And, wouldn't you know it, we received our Stimulus check at the end of the week and it was more than we expected!

At this point, I could be tempted to complain, for the fun things we had dreamed of spending that money on, have now been replaced by hospital bills and house payments, but there again is me not trusting God and not expecting good things from Him and, worst of all, not being thank-FULL (forgive me, Father). He can turn everything around in an instant and maybe is just waiting for that vote of confidence from me!


"I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together"
~Psalm 34:1-3~


"You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You."
~Isaiah 26:3~
~ christa jean

Monday, May 5, 2008

Truth in the innermost parts


There is something about fasting that opens up the ears.

Before Jesus was led away to be crucified, He assured His disciples that they would not be alone, "Behold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you..." (Luke 24:49). "Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.... when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth..." (John 16:7, 13)

Fasting causes one to s l o o o o o o w down and to wait and to really hear the quiet promptings of that Spirit of Truth. "Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom." (Psalm 51:6)

It was in one of those slowing down times last week that I believe the Spirit helped me to discern truth. I had just finished reading this portion of my new treasure, "Ask What Ye Will" by Flavia Gaines Leitch: "Banish the foes of your soul's welfare from your mind. Pursue them with relentless determination. Anxiety, worry, fear, criticism, condemnation, harsh judgment, impatience, anger, and an unforgiving, unloving spirit... ALL MUST GO. They are not trees planted by the Father. Uproot them. Banish them from your heart. 'Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.' If a single unholy emotion is allowed to remain in your heart it will come out some way, somehow, and will cast a shadow over your entire nature."
OKAY, now I'm remembering the rude (angry) behavior I displayed in front of my daughters when a foolish teenage girl ran in front of the van (we were just driving through a GREEN light! DUH! Were you even thinking? Note to self, teenagers brains are not fully formed yet) and I yelled at her. Yeah, I actually got out of the car, can you picture me doing that?! Yuck. I'm thinking also about some embittered thoughts I was harboring toward someone, oh, and I guess that whining I was doing on the inside about having to eat oatmeal again.

The gentle conviction of the Spirit is just that ~ gentle. A warning signal should sound when that voice sounds like shame and condemnation. The Holy Spirit may sound something like this in my head, "Um, Dear One, if you continue in those thoughts, they will take root and do damage... whadya say we do some cleansing?" Okay, I'm down wit dat, H.S., but how... ? 1 Thessalonians 5:23 "May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through." Ahhhhh, those very words bring peace to me. They remind me that I am not the one responsible for my holiness. I must only open myself up to Him.

The even greater discernment came to me after reading this paragraph in the aforementioned book: "How can you be rid of them? Can you do it of your own self? Not any more than you can do anything else of your own self. ASK OF GOD. Exercise your will to be an overcomer. When God sees that you will to do His will, He will put His back of your will, and all the powers of darkness will flee from your life and your environment." Immediately, after I read that last statement, my thoughts said: "No, You've really just left me alone to take care of my own junk." I stopped. HALT! Hmmm, that was not a true thought. My very next thought was this: "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Now, that is more like it. I kinda felt at that moment that I was the guy in the cartoon with the good conscience whispering in one ear and the bad conscience in the other!

It is often easier to listen to the voices that would heap shame upon me, they seem more right than the alternative... "All the demons look like prophets, and I'm living out every word they speak..." (Jars of Clay). That is why I MUST, at all cost, cling to His Word. Thank God for the Holy Spirit, my Helper, my Comforter, my Intercessor, the Voice of the Father.

Fasting can also remind one of where priorities ought to lie. I was truly touched by the post over at Balancing Everything. Take a look-see if you get the chance.

Chuckle. Did you like my little plug for fasting?! ;-D

~christa jean



Saturday, May 3, 2008

The Darkness has never mastered it...

I received this devotional a week ago from one of my FAVE authors, Elisabeth Elliot. It further answers the questions I've pondered about God's allowment of difficulties in one's life...
(emphasis mine)

The Power of Darkness

"When the chief priests, temple officers, and elders came to the Garden of Gethsemane to arrest Jesus, they succeeded only because a sovereign God permitted them to succeed. Jesus pointed out that He was teaching daily in the Temple, yet they never laid a finger on Him. Now they were after Him with swords and staves. 'But this is your hour, and the power of darkness is yours' (Lk 22:53 JBP). Who gave them that hour? Who allowed them the power to capture Him? It was God, without whose leave not even a sparrow can fall to the ground. God is omnipotent, never slumbering, just, righteous, and forever in control. He was not taken by surprise. All was working then, as it is always working, into a pattern for good.

Our own difficulties often appear to be random. Our tragedies look wildly uncontrolled. They are not. They are subject. Limits are set. God is quietly at work, standing in the shadows, ceaselessly watching over His children.

'The light shines on in the dark, and the darkness has never mastered it' (Jn l:5 NEB)."

Love, Love, Love it.

~ christa jean